How many of us women can say we have been victims of gossiping? Probably all.
How many of us women can admit that we have participated in gossiping? Probably all.
How many of us can say we have never gossiped? Probably none. Because it is human nature to gossip and gossip more.
Let’s admit it. Many of us have listened to gossip, spread gossip and/or been a victim of gossip.
I have never really understood this phrase, “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me!â€. This is so far from the truth because words can and are the most hurtful things to have to hear and live with. Words can be very damaging, yet many humans will continue to use harsh/ cruel words without thinking of the consequences.
This tiny but mighty organ we have been blessed with, the tongue, is considered one of the most powerful weapons because it holds more power than you can imagine. Every word spoken can be an instrument of destruction within seconds.
Be it humans, CEOs of companies, spouses, in-laws, politicians and/or presidents. The power of the tongue is immeasurable. The sad part is that we have one tongue and 2 ears, yet we tend not to decipher the words lashed out from the tongue to our ears, jumping to conclusions, interpreting wild stories beyond our own imagination.
This leads me to the statement, “a woman is another woman’s worst enemy!â€. Why is that the case. Why is this not described of men?
The answer is simple; because we as women have this natural skill to gossip.
Have you often wondered why are women always considered the gender that gossips? Well, it has been proven that girls and women gauge their closeness between themselves by the “who knows what secrets, and how/when and what they know them.†Sharing personal information between women is the first step toward a friendship. Gossiping then becomes the foremost way that girls and women will connect with one another at the expense of others.
Many of us do not realize but gossiping ends up being nothing but accumulation of negative energy that eventually drags you down. Humans are social creatures and communication is a vital part of society, but like I said in my prior blog, if you can learn to love your own company, you can seriously avoid being dragged into the pothole(s) with the likes of the gossipmongers.
Prime example of wagging tongues that I have to share.
When my divorce started in 1991, everyone wondered, or should I say pretended to be surprised that my ex- and I were going through a divorce. He had been having an affair with an employee of our company for over 12 months, and most of the franchisees of our fast-food company at that time, had been witness to this, not to say, some of them had even encouraged it by inviting her home with him for dinners. (Appalled right? So was I at the time ?).
My brother, an extremely handsome 6’ 5’, had come to visit me for support. He decided to take me out for dinner. I cannot even remember where we were, but it was some random restaurant in Walnut Creek. Just my luck, a couple of “Indian aunties†were there at the same time. I had begun to cry during the meal and my brother had reached out to console me. Low behold! The weekend that followed, I was but the hot topic of discussion; “Can you imagine, her divorce has not even started, and she is already dating. No wonder her husband left her!â€
It got even better. One elderly aunty called me to tell me I should think about my kids and not ruin my reputation by dating. Let’s not forget these aunties (my age group but I love calling them aunties) are very much part of our so called “reputable high-class Indians todayâ€. At no time did anyone bother to check who this handsome guy (my brother) was. At no time did anyone talk about the
ex- husband having an affair. His affair was an acceptable norm of our society but going out for dinner for the ex-wife was taboo!
I continue to hear gossipmongers strike down widows and divorced women all the time even today. The sad part is most of these women have spouses who are cheating on them openly. I guess this is where the quote, “people who live in glass houses should not throw stones!†Recently, at the pageant we hosted, I was shocked to hear some ladies gossip about our amazing contestants in the age group 35+ participating? I could not understand why age would be a deterrent in performing at an event. If you can go to parties and post pictures on social media wearing short dresses, why can our amazing contestants not do the same on stage? What is the difference between posing at parties and performing on stage?
Before you engage in gossiping ask yourself, “does this need to be said? Am I gaining anything from this? Is what I am about to share really true? And have I listened to the other side of the story? Is my life so perfect that I can criticize others?â€
If you find yourself saying no to even one of these questions, then stop yourself from becoming part of the toxic conversations that take part of most of these “aimless social gatheringsâ€.
Sometimes it is hard to walk away but listening passively and not participating is very doable. When I see there is an opportunity to gossip, I first ask myself why am I even talking about this person?
Instead of gossiping, I have found it is easier to block such people from my life, on social media and my social circle. Blocking is the beginning of breaking the chain of toxicity. I also avoid hanging out with gossipmongers since this hurts my ability to enjoy my own company as I get dragged down with negative influences and the engage in the filth that riddles our community of backward thinkers.
So, ladies, let’s put these wagging tongues to good use.
How about spreading awareness of domestic violence and other great causes? How about actually calling someone in trouble and helping someone through their rough times?
How about be that listening ear and moral support for someone in need?
How about using positive words on blogs and posts and encouraging our friends to feel awesome every day?
How about supporting friends who step out of their norm to try new things?
How about be that amazing woman that makes amazing things happen for other women?
Let’s change the myth that women are women’s worst enemies to women can be a woman’s best friend!
From the desk of RD.
