The Reality of Grief – Rebuilding One Day At a Time – Before the loss of my dad, I had never experienced such a profound loss. While I lost my grandparents when I was young, the impact was minimal as I hadn’t spent much time with them. In fact, I never got to meet my Nani or Dada, which often left me envying my friends who had grandparents and wishing I could have known my Nani especially.
When my dad passed away, I tried to console myself with the fact that he had lived a full life of 95 years, and I should be grateful for the time we had together. Shortly after, we lost Baldi’s mom, who was in her nineties and had been suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer. Seeing her suffer made us relieved that she was finally free from pain.
Then, I watched my mom develop dementia almost overnight. As she deteriorated, I found myself praying to a higher power, hoping she would either recover or join Dad in peace. But when Baldi died unexpectedly, there was no logic or reasoning to make sense of it.
People often ask me, “How are you coping?” My response has become robotic: “Hanging in there, day by day.” Yet, deep down, I know I’m barely holding on, sometimes not hanging on at all.
Losing someone you care about changes you fundamentally. It alters your outlook on the world and reshapes your beliefs about how life “should” work. The death of a loved one shatters your reality, and while we may not want to hear it, rebuilding a new life story takes time. Grieving is about adapting to this devastating occurrence, learning to live with their absence, and facing the myriad stressors that come with a different future. Essentially, we navigate two processes: adjusting to the loss and adapting to life without them.
I’m slowly realizing that I can grieve by continuing to love them, even in their absence. I look for ways to keep their memory alive and celebrate small milestones. Today (October 1, 2024) would have been Dad’s 97th birthday, so I made his favorite shrimp curry and rice. I also take breaks from the constant anguish by attending small events, which help distract me from the persistent grief that lingers. If anyone has other ideas to help relieve the pain please share.
#embracinggrief, #lossofspouse, #griefjourney, #missingbaldi